The first time I went to the gynecologist to broach the subject of birth control I was actually kind of surprised that they weren’t super supportive of what I wanted.
I went in well researched (I even knew what fertility awareness was at that time, though I was not planning on using it by itself yet – Not ready!), but was not well researched in how the doctors and nurse practitioners would treat me at all.
That first time, I wanted to get a copper IUD. Now, they are pretty popular (though the hormonal IUD is still preferable to most docs), but at the time the gynecologist was absolutely aghast at the fact that I would ask for one.
First, they tried to talk me into taking the pill (of course), then they tried to talk me into the hormonal IUD (even though the whole point was that I didn’t want to take hormones, then they finally were thinking about how the diaphragm would suit me. The last one particularly surprises me because most docs do not like the diaphragm and don’t know how to fit them, so I give them massive props for having that in their repertoire.
Finally, I got what I came for, but not after much insisting and multiple visits. I have doubts whether most people would have actually gotten what they came for (I come in the variety of stubborn and that’s about it).
Fast forward a couple of years and I was done with the IUD. Too many side effects to deal with anymore. And I was freaked about getting pregnant with the IUD because I like having control and I did not feel in control with it at all.
I decided to get the IUD out and get serious about fertility awareness (I’m so glad I did!), and yet still didn’t think about the problems that I would have. I mean, just book the appointment and do what I want, right?
Not without a fight, it turned out.
The doctor decided to interrogate me about my new birth control method (and this was actually before she even knew that I was still planning on using birth control and not trying to get pregnant). When I told her my plans to use fertility awareness, it went something like:
Her: “The rhythm method?”
Me: “No, fertility awareness, two totally different things.”
Her: “How ok are you with getting pregnant right now?”
Me: “I do not plan on getting pregnant right now.”
Her: “Are you sure you want to get the IUD out.”
Me: “Yes, it has been causing a lot of frustration.”
Her: *looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world*
Needless to say, I learned a lot about interacting with doctors and now never expect it to be easy.
But what about you? What are you supposed to do when the doctor won’t respect your birth control choices? When they act like side-effects are in your head? When they think the solution to every one of your reproductive maladies is a prescription for the pill?
Here’s what I would say: Eff ‘em. Find another doctor if you can, make sure they are aligned with your values. If you can’t find another doctor and have to deal with this one demand the birth control method that you want, bring in research, your partner (may be more effective if your partner and doctor are both men), whatever you need. If they think that the pill is the only way to fix a hormonal problem, you need to find a good source of info for how to go about helping your hormones out (I can help there, though there are others that would blow me out of the water, too).
You have every single right to do what you believe is best with your body. It’s wonderful if you can have a supportive doctor to go over these things with, but if they are not being supportive and are ignoring concerns you have it is absolutely NOT in your best interest to abide by their “rules.”
I want to hear from you now, what’s been your worst experiences at the gynecologist, and can you add to the collective wisdom on how you think it can best be avoided if you have any ideas? Let me know in the comments.
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Hi, Hannah,
I’ve recently come off the pill a couple of months ago. I’m using condoms as birth control and FAM as a tool to monitor my body as it resumes cycling. My plan is to keep using condoms while I wait for my cycles to resume and to chart at least 6 cycles before starting to use FAM as birth control. I haven’t discussed this with my gynecologist yet, but when I do in my annual exam, I plan to take my copy of TCOYF and a summary with references to the main scientific studies and resources on FAM. Knowing her, and considering that I am well-informed and confident to use and discuss FAM, I don’t think she’ll object.
However, I’ve had a terrible experience with a former gynecologist. I was 17, a virgin, and on my way to college the next year. As I was about to leave her office, she told me that at college I should “party hard and get a boyfriend”! I was so struck by the absolute rudeness of this comment that I couldn’t even think of a response! Even if it was a bad joke, it was extremely insensitive of her to make this suggestion, especially as a woman and a gynecologist!
Wow, that’s definitely a different kind of bad experience I have not heard of yet.
Seems like you are doing everything right and I think your gynecologist will agree (or I certainly hope they will!). Thanks for the comment.
After being on the pill (Yaz) for 3 years and finally realizing that it was exacerbating my anxiety, rather than solving the mood swings I had been experiencing with my cycle shifts, I decided to get off of hormones altogether (since which time I have been incredibly stable). The Paraguard seemed like a great option for me, and I researched everything thoroughly. Though I had a great nurse practitioner who was supportive of my decision to get a Paraguard, my uterus didn’t like the device and began to eject it. Distraught and frustrated, I did more research about diaphragms and cervical caps before going in to see a practitioner to remove the device–a practitioner I hadn’t seen before because this was more of an emergency-this-needs-to-come-out-now situation. When I broached the subject with her of alternative methods, such as a diaphragm or cervical cap, she told me that cervical caps were ineffective and that they didn’t fit them at the clinic, and I might have trouble finding someone to fit a diaphragm. Then she pushed that I should consider getting the Mirena. I explained to her that I didn’t want to be on hormones AT ALL and that I was in a committed relationship in which my partner was willing to work with whatever birth control methods I needed, and she continued to push as to why I didn’t want the Mirena. Frustrated, I left. Fortunately, this led me to do some more research into natural birth control and discover Katie Singers, The Garden of Fertility, which just completely changed my life. I’m about to see a new practitioner in a new city, and I’m nervous about broaching the topic of how I’m managing my birth control, which at this point is condoms and charting (I’ve been charting for about a year now but am still not feeling totally comfortable with my cycles to know for sure when I’m infertile).
Right, it’s difficult because a lot of doctors don’t really understand sympto-thermal method and think that you are using the rhythm method. OR they think you are too stupid to do it (for reals, a lot of them have no trust in your ability to properly chart and interpret your cycles. Probably because they’ve never done it themselves).
I can’t believe they would rec. an IUD when your body was rejecting the first one! I know the mirena is smaller, but still…
Hey Hannah :) i really like ur blog and girl …awareness is all this world sincerely needs right now more then ever ! keep it up there’s no wisdom with out knowledge ♥♥ namaste ♥♥
Thanks for the comment, Melissa. Glad you are enjoying!
Oh yes I think most women understand this frustration! Personally I successfully used a diaphragm for years, it was fitted by a woman in a family planning clinic who also used one and was really confident and happy for me to use one too. It worked for years until I starting trying for a baby and fell pregnant in the first month.
Then I got refitted (because you are meant to after childbirth) by a woman who hated diaphragms, tried to talk me out of it and really reluctantly fitted one for me. I fell surprise pregnant just a few months later… ooops! I’m convinced she didn’t fit it properly because she didn’t have the experience or the enthusiasm!
Luckily I was ok with another baby, and now my son it two and I wouldn’t have it any other way :)
But it is super frustrating having our options taken away from us because we can’t find health care providers who support our choices!
It could have been the fit and also may have had something to do with the diaphragm being less effective after childbirth (sad but true).
I SO agree with your last point. Doctors need to be very careful with the power they have and not abuse it. They don’t realize what little suggestions can mean to a lot of people who are not sure of what they want and believe.
I used fertility awareness for 8 years with my ex husband, no pregnancies. When you know what you are doing and have a regular cycle, it really is a great method. Then at age 39 I got (intentionally) pregnant fairly easily with my son, so there is something to be said for keeping your hormones regulated naturally! But man, standing up to doctors is hard! I applaud you for advocating for yourself!
Definitely. Sometimes you have to just let them believe what they want to believe (as long as it doesn’t hinder what you need).
I’ve never had a bad experience w/ the gyno, but I’ve also never gone in there wanting something specific. I just assumed I should be on the pill.
However, for the last year or so I’ve noticed that 2 weeks before I get to the placebo pills, I LOSE MY MIND. It’s hard to call it PMS… it’s such a struggle each month.
So it looks like this upcoming visit will have to include more of a discussion. Your post came in perfect timing for me personally. :)
Amazing! Wishing you good luck and an understanding doctor.
this is so interesting to me, hannah. i’ve had fibroids for years and have elected not to have them surgically removed. i managed fairly well for quite some time, until a recent flare-up that sent me back to the ob-gyn (uncontrolled bleeding). after seeing him and getting his recommendations, i decided to ignore his advice and take matters into my own hands again. and i am 100% better, using natural treatments. i liked the doctor and felt comfortable with him, but he didn’t seem open to any alternative methods.
That’s great that you were able to do it without your doctor’s help, April! It’s definitely hard when what the doctor is recommending is SO DIFFERENT than what you want for yourself.